1tsly, the next few paragraphs is kinda wat i put down ydae... took it down cos of some reason... so here's ydae's blog:
(start) bad vibes... tat's the only phrase i can use to describe today... went to work n tried to complete everything as early as possible... as each minute ticked by, i try to do even faster, aware of the fact tat time is running out... alas, couldn't finish everything on time... ended up working past 7pm... worse thing was i actually left out a sample in one of the reports n could not complete tat report... no choice... no time to do le, so left it for tml morn... haiz...L's situation is getting worse, from wat i gather... worst case is a cornea transplant... considering the risks involved in an eye surgery, i really hope things wud not go to tat extent... rushed to the hospital to keep him company... apparently, his prescription has been doubled to half-hourly eye-drops wif 5mins btw each application... some more, there were 3 diff ones to apply... wif this new prescription, there wasnt much time for him to slp at all... so i offered to stay wif him for a while to let him slp in btw the applications... then the disagreement happened... i really dunno y he refused to apply when i offered to stay... i wud wish the reason is tat he din want to tire me out or wanted me to go home rest cos i had to work... watever the reason it was, it has left me feeling disappointed, not in him but myself... had i not care so much for a fren, nth like this wud have happened... at this point, i hate to admit it but i'm still wondering whether the nurses have been waking his up for his medication, sth they havent been doing... but i have promised him tat when he refused to apply his eye-drops, i wud never ever step into his ward again... in fact, to me, the moment he let me step out of the ward somewat ended watever the rship btw us stood for... really praying very hard tat his situation wud take a turn for the good real soon... hope by the time u read this (if u ever really remem or bother to), u wud have been discharged without having a cornea transplant... pls take good care of urself in the future... oh, before i forget, think blogging is somewat pointless since a long time ago... cos i seriously think not many pple r really bothered enuf to visit regularly (=once a week??? once a month???) n even if they did, i wun ever noe ba... haha... truth be told, i put my feelings here not only as an outlet for myself, i oso wanna let my close ones noe abt wat i've been going thru, even though we dun get to meet often... alas, i juz dun think it's working the way i want it to ba... so. . . . . .
no prize for guessing wat's gonna happen... (cynical) haha... (end)
well, if no one's bored so far, here's today's edition:
today was a much slacker day at work... think the workload is somewat stablising into a pattern ba... not tat i'm bothered by it or wat... heard there'll be a new colleague tml... training her wun be my job though... so juz gonna do my own stuff n get the hell outta there when time is up... dun really intend to spend extra time at work...
today went to the hospital again... but i din even stayed long enuf to tok to L... reason??? he doesnt want me to go visit him so regularly... his explanation??? he doesnt wanna bother anyone... i'm quite glad tat he's so thoughtful but i guess he din consider my feelings ba... to me, when a person i cherish is hurt, i wud be very concerned... but apparently, he doesnt want tat... tried calling n smsing him but none worked... so wat in the world shd i be feeling??? i've once again managed to disappoint myself by caring too much... haha... pple have told me abt my prob since my sec sch days but guess it's a habit i've never managed to kick... but this is really a hard blow to me, not tat wat he did upset me but more of me upsetting myself... confusing??? haha... but after contemplating my current situation, i've kinda made up my mind regarding my job... i'm gonna go for my overseas training liao, no matter how many yrs i have to be bonded to the company... heck!!! i dun even care whether the training's gonna benefit me at all... call me an escapist but i think it's the only option i have ba... leave everything behind n go out of the country... think it'll do everyone ard me good ba... but actually does anyone care??? haha... actually i even hope i dun have to come back soon... dunno y... juz feel like it...
the 2 main concerns in my mind were my chibi n L... chibi's gonna take his O's soon... worried he might need help but i guess he's doing quite well en-route to the exams ba... keep up ur momentum n hard work... then u wud be able to go wherever u wanna... L's still in hospital cos of his cornea ulcer... hope his condition stabilises n gets better real soon... but i guess the only time he's gonna get to read this is when he's discharged (n if he remem to visit my blog)... perhaps i'm wishing tat i wud have left singapore when tat happens ba... haha... slowly growing into a scaredy cat again... losing my faith in the big word ---> "FRENS"... getting hurt over n over again... few appreciating my efforts n concern... think it's my own fault... caring too much, trying too hard in rships... i deserved to be in this spot ever since i chose to break my resolution... serves me rite!!! hahaha... i had it coming... gonna juz evaporate from the surface of Earth... perhaps everyone wud be happier or at least everyone else but me ba.... but my feelings dun really matter, do they??? byez...