hmm... my create-post page still haywire as ever... dunno whether is cos my com going crazy again anot... guess cant do anything abt it ba... juz wait n c ba...
today was shiok as ever... win more than $100 juz playing strikes... drink until sey still can get 6 pin 10 in 3 games... haha... not bad sia... seems like the new ball has won back the amount of money i'm supposed to pay for it... haha... think will try to pay the full amount soon...
matters of the heart... until now no answer heard yet... anyways only got friday left ba... then will be full passive mode liao... haha... think i'll only be at BP on nites when got bookie to fight wif... then can cover my expenses ba... haha... oso dunno whether the last person actually knows anything tat is happening... guess after all, he's still "too busy" to read my blog ba... sian but not gonna do anything abt it... it's his life against mine... no point forcing anyone to act according to my wishes... *the new me* responding to wat lion said in my tagboard, i feel tat though i may have pple i value at BP, is not gonna make a lot of diff ba... i have learnt tat 80% of wat the youths at BP say r nth but crap ba... qn is even if i care, do they care??? for the past 3-4 yrs at BP, i have cared for too many things n pple... where has tat gotten me??? nowhere but the depths of hell each time i realised my existence dun really matter... to put it even clearer... remem the league masters??? how in the world a person so busy wif studies tat he cant read my blog, can actually stay n watch the games until the end??? i'm not really interested in the answer anymore... cos thinking abt it, does it really matter??? since a person i used to value can treat me like this, then wat point is there to continue guessing abt anything??? regarding the part tat u dun wanna do wat i say on purpose, i noe tat is a possibility n i guessed u have been doing tat... but as i said, if u dun have the heart to do it, i oso cant force u... i noe u r not stupid or untalented... so watever i say u can actually understand... if u still choose to do tat, then u r leaving me wif no choice ba... even so, i oso dun have to stay at BP to continue teaching u ba... haha... if u refuse, then i guess i oso cant force u to go elsewhere wif me... but u oso cant expect me to stay on n continue being the stupid fool waiting for things to get better when i noe it's not gonna... almost 2 weeks since i declared moving out liao... but still nth is happening to stop me... or to put it clearly, no one is stopping me oso... so wat does it show??? the only answer: i'm a mere lingering spirit at BP to others; nobody really cares whether i'm doing well anot...
honestly, if there's a day when i get killed in an accident, i guess no one at BP wud really noe abt it... the reason i'm doing this blog is to tell those who care tat i'm still alive n how my life is going... but who wud ever wonder when one day i suddenly stopped updating??? so if pple r not even reading it, then do they really care abt whether i'm still alive??? it's true tat it's better to think of life in a optimistic way but there r always possibilities... the possibilty tat i get killed in a car accident while crossing the road... but who wud really care??? haha... everytime i think of this, i fear the answer tat i have... the fact tat my existence is of no importance, esp to pple who say tat i'm their fren or brother... so wat's the point in staying at a place when i'm not in the least bit appreciated??? i knew things were gonna end up this way ever since the tuesday league started... it's all history repeating itself... though i cant believe i lost to the influence of a person i dislike, it's of no use regretting now... biggest regret wud be me getting involved wif FSS in the 1st place ba... else none of this disappointment wud have taken place...
However successful a person is, there will always be things tat he regretted doing... though salvaging the situation or learning from one's mistakes is the correct reaction, unfortunately i was not able to do either...