guess u'll nvr expect tat i was waiting below ur house the whole nite ba.. promised caroline i wud listen to wat u wanna say n is been 5 days le, plenty of time le.. enuf of waiting le..

feeling as lost as ever.. too many dunno's in my life.. dunno where to go, dunno wat to do, dunno to expect, dunno who i m, dunno wat i m n the list goes on.. after so long, working so hard, still find myself unappreciated in every part of my life.. when will it all ever end??
happiness is only short-lived; sadness is eternal..

made one of the biggest gamble of my life n i lost miserably.. wat's left to be said?? time to move on myself perhaps..

been a freaking loooong time since my last update le.. not tat got pple frequent it anyways.. oh well, life goes on..
juz been thru some shitty experiences.. haiz.. tried my best to keep myself out of company politics n yet, it seems tat others want me to be involved.. haiz.. in the end, found myself resigning.. alas, all was not to be.. mgmt offered me another increment and after a turn of some events, i find myself hesitating to go.. was waiting for "THE REASON" to stay but i guess i wun ever get it ba.. only thing i can do is fulfill my own promise to others.. haiz..
juz this past fri, encountered reality again.. try as i might, still end up feeling hurt.. not tat the person intended to but i guess i'm not even worth to play as the third fiddle in his life ba.. after doing so much, i find myself feeling really empty.. feeling so lost n down.. wat can i do?? nth, perhaps, is the answer.. n nth is, most prob, wat i'm gonna end up wif too..
guess the same applies to my love life ba.. trying to win her heart n yet, i cant breach tat last line of psychological barrier.. so shd i continue hoping tat someday things will turn ard??
been thinking a whole lot recently n i find tat i like to hold on to things tat i noe i cant get.. perhaps, it's really time to learn to let go le..
爱情很珍贵；友情价更高?? is this true?? i wonder..

oh well, till now oso din hear anything from anyone.. guess nobody's reading anyway.. ^_^
anyhow, this sunday will be a special day (by me).. haha.. it shall mark the beginning of a period of time where i'll disappear from the surface of Earth.. NO! i'm not gonna end my own life.. juz gonna commit "social suicide".. meaning from sunday on, i shan't be going out wif anyone le.. dunno how long but guess shd be abt/at least 3mths ba.. Yes, anyone includes my good frens n bros alike.. reason for doing this:
for the past few mths, felt tat my life has been collapsing, like the global economy.. juz tat all economies still got their govts to bail them out, but i cant even hope to have one.. perhaps the only way out is to learn how to live by myself alone.. this way, maybe i'll be more independent n have no more expectations on the pple ard me.. juz as wat WeiBaoBao said, no expectations, no disappointments.. really din wish to reach this situation de n i'm oso unwilling de.. but things have come to the point where i keep telling myself "maybe things wud be different the next time" but things juz happen over n over again.. n now, i juz feel so powerless, helpless n hopeless.. perhaps the 1st mistake was allowing myself to compromise.. till the point when i dun even recognise myself anymore..
for the near future, i juz hope tat my bros n good frens take good care of themselves..
*f***!! my eyes starting to well up again*

after so long, i'm still at the same spot.. haiz.. so disappointed in myself..
"BROS" a term i used to hold very highly in my heart.. but now, i dunno wat this word means anymore.. used to have so many tots abt it but now, i dun even noe wat can i even hope to achieve out of these rships.. can the 3 of u try to provide me with an answer?? hmm.. maybe, maybe not.. i oso dunno myself.. haiz..
*feel myself moving towards the brink of life again..*

well, another day of upset again.. *sigh* is there no end to it all?? it all happened juz cos of 1 remark.. tho it may juz be a casual remark, the implications r much deeper than u think.. "dun disturb u; u have a lot of things to do"..
if my asking of u to look at the time-table for juz 5secs is disturbing u, then wat is the casual chat u had with TCM later on?? then wat is tat phone call u had to take outside the office?? perhaps i'm over-reacting here but did it come across ur mind to even find out wat's wrong??
i'd like to believe u were pissed cos of tat report u were doing, n combined wif ur lack of slp over the weekend, ur mind juz switched off for tat moment.. but wat happened to tat promise we had?? was it a total waste of our time, when we sat down n talked abt stuff like this?? did u even hoped tat a bread wud solved it again?? sorry, it wun.. tho i wanted to bring it home, unfortunately i forgot abt it n left it in the office..
if it's ok wif u for things to be like this, then juz let it be lor.. 1 thing i'm sure is tat i'm not gonna do anything le.. in my mind now, i got 3 scenarios.. 1: u cant be bothered to do anything.. 2: ur pride n dignity refuses to let u do anything.. 3: u dunno how to start toking abt it.. i really hope it's juz the 3rd case but as i learnt from u: i muz not assume.. so till u do anything, i guess things will be juz like this afternoon for the time being..

finally reached the point where i feel like blogging again.. haiz.. feeling damn lousy abt myself nowadays.. dunno how others really think.. perhaps juz me trying too hard to read into pple's moods ba.. haiz..
BIG QN: wud it be better for others if i juz go ard everyday, wif a smiley, even tho i may be hurting inside?? or wud it be better for me to be more expressive?? seems tat others feel better when i juz hide my feelings n juz "be happy"..
but end of the day, think the sad answer to the qns is: does anyone care in the 1st place??
*speechless*

haiz.. on the surface, things may seem to be ok but r they really??
somehow, i get the feeling of pple being indifferent once i start to give in.. haiz.. stupid me.. so many things on my mind but who can i tell them to?? who's gonna listen?? *smile out of desperation*..

depression setting in... wat can i do??